Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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