I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
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