she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
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That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
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SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
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