he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
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