I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
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