if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
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