matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Randomize
