No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
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