singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
