she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I have surprise drugs for everyone
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
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