Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
