when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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