at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
