tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
third nipple confirmed
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
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