I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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