I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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