Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
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