After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Randomize
