dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
