At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
party gras won. party gras always wins.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
