saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
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