I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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