Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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