I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
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We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
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I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
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