were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Randomize
