we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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