Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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