i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
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You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
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I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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