I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize
