and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I wish life had little blips of pornography
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Randomize
