First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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