Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
