Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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