i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
