The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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