The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
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