Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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