I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
This is Why People Stop Sex Halfway Through
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I'm getting married
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.