Betty ford says i'm here all night
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.