I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
You just missed an honest to god bukkake