ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
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