That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
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Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
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I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.