I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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