I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
she told me i tasted like america
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for