If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
He did a backflip because drugs
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
