i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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