I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
