Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Randomize
