I just pynch a tree in the face
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
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