i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I'm too high and old for this...
He's on the porch naked. Help.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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