So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Randomize
