How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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