Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
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