'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
