i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
