We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
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