You smell like stripper and shame
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
