yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
You are the jesus of drinking
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
PANTIES FOUND
Randomize
