last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
