PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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