Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
