So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
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