I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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