she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
