Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
