Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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