I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
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