I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
