Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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