Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
