I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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