I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I need to sanitize my soul.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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