hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
