i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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