Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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