Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Randomize
