remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
this just has baby written all over it
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
