Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Randomize
