I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
